Duality

it feels better in black and white

if it’s not you than it’s me

it hurts for the grey to be seen

as something that could have been warmer

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Nothing, nobody

It tastes like nothing

That’s all it needs to be

Erode

Allow yourself to become nobody

Fork in the road

Detoxify myself like I’m not eating

I didn’t even tell you I was leaving

Ran out of time to grieve

I can sing your song in my sleep

Your morphing mirror image

Infected lineage

Dead body in a trophy case

Feel my warmth in the empty space

 

555

I’ve been so intertwined in darkness I couldn’t see the apathy. I’m wiping the dust from my eyes. Each movement is a fight for life. I’m taking off with nowhere to go. A catalyst ignites a match in my soul and that’s all I’ve got. It’s sink or swim. I embody the strength to embark somewhere I’ve never been. I’m not scared that I’ve lost my way. I will be the fool — not for you but for myself. Because I’ve saved myself and I will save myself, over and over again. I’m not scared to be swept away for the sake of movement. I am a fantasy I was made to experience.  Every new beginning is an adventure we are stumbling towards. I see the multifaceted story of  my life through crystal eyes; a kaleidoscopic array of possibilities.

My body is electrified; compelled by the search for mystery. There was an element of unreality that science wanted to explain but I could feel it in my soul. Creation is about becoming what you are. Intuitively shape shift what isn’t expressed into what you can feel. It’s all up from here and I will cycle forward without any ground to give me traction. I will push air as I dive into synchronicity.

Powerful waters soft like silk collide with my being. I’ll swim in the ocean of your mind until my breathe evaporates. We will emerge as a light you catch in the corner of your eye; something that is new and refreshing. We shift perspectives together. I change my depth perception until you’re all I see; the world is a blur of bokeh entities. The light dances for us.

I can feel an uprising. My mind is on fire and I hold a loving rage in my throat. I’ll let myself fall into faith if that’s what my heart demands of me. I can’t be blinded by the search for an end goal. A flashlight in my face can illuminate the moon but the light can be blinding too. I’ve learned to love the way the darkness enriches the color of the night.

I am learning to enjoy the empty space. I will allow myself to erase all that I am leaving behind. I am drawing my own map. I will paint the future into existence. I never thought I’d let anyone inside. I can’t teach you how to read the signs but they’re for you– they’ve always been for you.

I look at you with concrete eyes. Would you wander for a while and forget the sound of time? If anything is real I know it’s that feeling of purity that only exists in the moment. The waves that don’t burn but slide– there’s no way we can fight it. I’ll let it happen.

I am a world that I actively explore. I could be lost for days on a detail. I feel the texture of my own skin and I will protect her. I will protect what is sacred within the underlying softness of my essence. I am my own savior, my own god, my everything, and the embodiment of nothing. I’ve been broken down to nobody and she will always be there to remind me that I can fall and it’s okay.

It’s going to be okay. We won’t ever be able to control the wind and the current in which we reside but we will push past it and become dynamic. We’ll get up again and each time we will feel electrified by the pulse of the awakening. The residue left from the wave illuminates the potential to create something fresh out of what remains. I taught myself to fly and now I don’t need the ground.. It’s all love. There’s no need to look down.

The spaces between words

Everything tastes the way it’s processed.

We could have been more. Subconscious cues we’ll miss. Signs and numbers, I watch as the clock ticks. You and I are the types that hear the spaces between words. We don’t talk about it. The nostalgic sea-foam lingers in your smile. You don’t need to explain.

I grip but you’re slipping away from me. You drift like a child lost in a grocery store but you’re not terrified that you’ve lost your way. You wander with wide eyes. I wish we could lay together and I could watch the way the light reflects in your sight. Maybe I wanna be like you, too.

Your sorry eyes tell me all that I need to know and it’s more than you’d like to tell me. I can feel the weight of the void between us as we part ways. I have to welcome the icy glaze over my heart. Become hard and unforgiving. Despite whatever lies my heart strings could weave.. I still see. We haven’t muddied ourselves enough to cloud the water in me. I know.

I know I will be disappointed by the lack of love in your eyes as we chemically intertwine.

09/07

we’re driven by attraction and an obsession with aesthetic. our energy is apathetic.

I want you to love me in a way that is satisfying. you wish I would always be cute.

neither of us are trying and that’s the sad truth.

fungus grows on your tongue. I feel pain in my lungs when I try to breathe.

we’re never given the time to grieve what gave us oneness.

this is an abstraction we clung to. a mess we created.

a book past due. software outdated.

 

5/29

can I be resurrected? has my soul died?
Is this revolution or the dark times?
does the universe know? tell me what I think I know so it can go down the drain, flushed away,
and “so it goes” always remains
in my mind
but does it? I’ve collected so much stuff now I hide
this face is stone no matter where you mine
lately there’s no glitter, no shine
chewing on my own bones, bathing in formaldehyde