You’re walking around this infested house in your high heels just to crush the insects.

Your eyes dissect what you consider to be a defect.

When you look at the world, you search for division.

You wish I would agree to my own excision.

You are looking at an alien with monochromatic vision, 

So undoubtedly you see me as grey.

It doesn’t matter how hard I try to convey to you – you don’t see my hue.

You can see me however you wish to see me, but what you see is not truth.


Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between dying and being reborn.

But when it’s happening, I accept it. I don’t fight it. 

I let it wash over me like a tsunami.

And I am engulfed by the sea.

I am always looking to get myself into trouble. 

I’m the puppy that eats your shoes time and time again only to be kicked.. repeatedly…

I’m a cat that climbs up a tree just to get to the top.. I get there only to realize that I can’t get down…

I got myself here and I’m sure this is all part of a sequence of learning experiences.

I will grow and change into a new person because of these experiences.

Like a chemical reaction, I will quickly become unrecognizable from my original form. Forever changed by this rearrangement of my structure. 

Someday I may look back and be happy this happened.

**Late 2015 // old poem. two years later looking back I am happy things happened the way that they did. It’s important to hold onto the hope that things will get better, trust that they will


I am searching for truth. 

– I’m a cat staring out the window. Staring at birds. Whiskers twitching. Eyes intent.

I am stuck right now. But someday I may escape and find that I have instinct within myself to kill. 

– Someday I will find what I’m looking for. 

Gnosticism: The belief that freedom derives solely from knowledge.

Personal narrative

I write the story of my own life. I see infinite possibilities through a kaleidoscopic lens. Parallel universes are rife & I could travel to any world I would like. I sit, think, and contend;

Afraid to move. It’s like a raging space war inside my head. I’m afraid I will strike and there will be bloodshed. There are many lives in front of me

– But not all can live. As I move ahead, they start to drop dead; and I cry for the people that I could have been. Let’s hope God forgives. 

Shedding my body can feel like an innovative way to behead the past. Somehow I am still the same, people still call me by my name. 

– I am walking straight even though my eyes are blurry. I know my destiny, I know my fate- I’m not in a hurry. 


I am outside late at night. I stare at concrete shining like graphite. 

– 3:00 am; there is no dichotomy between us and them. 

This is witching hour, but God and I converse. Fog hovers in the air, street lights glow like miniature suns within a radiant universe.

– I float aimlessly. I exist, namelessly. 

But I find comfort in this place, I meet you ritually; we wander together in an otherworldly space. 

-You are dark and most don’t see your allure. I am luminescent, I can still see clearly within the vapour. 

My thoughts are obscure. my feelings fluorescent. 

– I am one with the omnipresent. 

2016. ⚰️

We are eternally bonded in some god awful way. I can’t really explain, I don’t want to.

-Is it cancer or just the flu? 

I don’t care either way I’m tired and I made my bed into a casket. Tooth decay. Glass cut. Eyes dilated, I grind away. A flood of serotonin annihilates my brain until it’s not even possible to feel pain.  

– but my gums are bleeding. And I am proceeding to take a picture for the aesthetic. You look at me and point, “how pathetic!”

So alien I have humans looking at me like we aren’t related. Reality pokes me in the back with a needle and I am deflated.

-Stomach acid. Wake up, take a tab, and I’m placid. 

You see in black and white, I just happen to be grey. My life is wasting away, and I’m just riding the wave. 

-Apparently I’ll be taking you with me to the grave.